this she-tempest, a twirlwind of confusing emotions
she danced her lone waltz with fuzzy illusions
this drizzle is naught but her heart's ablution
a storm is on the way

the sky in tatters, damned the law of attraction
the earth, a parade of shattered solutions
what hope lies in this abomination
what is left at this fray?

beyond the clouds hides elusive redemption
its silver lining, impending manifestation
the rainbow though late, a promising compensation
then, what is left of your dismay....

from wicked numbers, this fool migrates,
he chances upon sweet twisted Fate,
a present overdued, mailed much too late,
but better late than never...

she took the form of a child-like temptress,
she sings as she twirls like a tempest,
his weary heart, she almost harvests,
with him none the wiser...

her eyes, they grip him like a talon,
her smile, a wanted escaped felon,
her charms, they come by the gallons,
his ice, they melt like butter...

never will his prison breaks,
never say never, a big mistake,
a vow, his own to try unmake,
to end up in the gutters...

freedom.

ok im tired... i cant study anymore for today... this is getting lame... i need meaning in my life... i just cant find meaning in this... even if i make stuff up its still is not my passion... how do people do it eh? day in day out... each morning rushes to boring mundane jobs and come home late to cold dinner and an even colder wife... its like a meaningless fight... life is not supposed to be like this... ok ok stop... im not supposed to be alone or i'll start become a grouch... leave me alone and i'll make war in my mind... leave me alone and i'll work on my secret projects... leave me alone and i'll get addicted to it... though i work best alone... i suffer in silence... this struggle is eating me up whole... leaving me eyes,shipwrecked and sunken... a mind, cut and pasted... a heart, gears and clockworks...

please dont tempt me with things i cant commit to now... the longer i starve... the tastier the dish... the more refined its garnishings... and ravishing it will... my will... torn to pieces... cut to ribbons... im famished... so famished... so tempt me not.... stop your parade in my thoughts... and return to me my eyes... i have other things to deal with now... i have to learn to fly... and even before i start, you're already burning away my waxen wings... please... stop being so damn beautiful...

saying Rasulullah is just a man is like saying the moon is just a rock...

she flirts wordless fleeting illusion
an oasis mirage for the lost thirst
this lady in red smiling seduction
a babel of silence they thus rehearse

his eye has not its humble veil,
though lips they sealed their curse,
what thoughts are made to wander
the idle mind, the opened hearse

at every corner, the turn of her ankles
his every scar, this harlot nurse
at each sway , the clink of her bangles
her hymn sung each verse reversed

who does she dance for on her checked floor
his throne the shadow hidden the deepest
who is the snake and who is the charmer
the puppetmaster role is never hers

if you starve a wolf and let him eat only carrots would he turn into a rabbit... like if you feed him bananas... would it make him go bananas... like the phrase "selling like hotcakes"... do they get sold out fast because they are cakes or because they are hot... like if you are paris hilton's bff does it mean u ranked higher than her poodle... like if you knew if man u won or arsenal draws or that new portuguese kid got signed on chelsea would that make u a smarter smartass than you were before? and why would an ass needs to be smart anyway... like would you be considered a pervert, if you are only reading the words on her small and tight see-through t- shirt.. like if someone cracks a joke, you don't laugh but the rest of the world does, does that mean you have no sense of humour or your humour is above the rest of the world?

and if you have to choose either lying to yourself or lying to others, what you pick? if you could only choose to lose only your mind and go insane or lose your heart and numb all emotions, what would it be? like if had to choose between forgetting the past and let all your hatred and fury boil unknown inside or forgive the past and bear the open wound openly a burden till death, what is your choice? and if you have to choose between a beauty that you love or a hideousness that loves you, which would you prefer? and between a passion that could not feed you but lets you fly and a chore that gives you midas touch but chains you so readily to the ground? and at these times of hard choices, which would be your counsel, the voices in your head or the ones around you? both mumbles and grumbles, shouts and riots... both tug at opposite ends... you can wait for the rope to snap... but you can always pick a side...

one day there will no longer be shades of grey left to lay idle and sit on the fence... one day you will have questions to answer... or if you're lucky enough, answers to these very questions...  and one day you will have to make choices... be it small inconsequential or big life-altering ones... and you might stand prepared or be swept of your feet... there is no escape... refusal to choose is also an option... but at the least be known to you that the decision you make is only yours to begin with... whatever your end might be... it is either yours to blame... or yours to enjoy...

i want to break something... a board... a glass table... a tv set.... a heart maybe...  a leg... someones legs... limits... a promise... whatever... i just want to break something... yeah like this habit...

i know this might not be as inspiring to others as it is to me... but i used this effective phrase lately that seems to counteract my years of depression and misanthropy... it leaves me awake and energized... i just want to share it... here it is... say it whenever anything gets you down... or early in the morning when you are sleep walking to school or work... you selawat first... a full heartfelt selawat... selawat ibrahimiah would be the best... "Allahumma solli ala sayyidina wa habibina Muhammad wa ala Ali sayyidina Muhammad kama sollaita ala sayyidina Ibrahim wa ala Ali sayyidina Ibrahim fil alameina innaka Hamidun Majeid..." you have to visualize or at least feel Rasulullah's presence... then say it aloud or if you can't say it aloud mentally... "Rasulullah, put fire in my heart!" then say it as a mental warcry... and imagine you combusting into flames... your eyes getting sharper... your mind awake... your body ready... you soul singing and your heart aflame... works for me... believe and it will work for you...